


darling, just hold my hand

by sonnycreasy



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: AU - Soulmates, F/M, Ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 13:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18032297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonnycreasy/pseuds/sonnycreasy
Summary: soulmate prompt: the first words your soulmate speaks every day is written on your arm.





	darling, just hold my hand

**Author's Note:**

> this isn’t very good i wrote it in like a grand total of 40 minutes and it hasn’t been redrafted, proofread, or anything. 
> 
> don't think too hard about this there are very obvious plot holes
> 
> xo

Amanda Rollins has three thoughts about soulmates. 

 

Number one: the whole concept is bullshit. She saw her parents, she knows what trying to force a relationship with someone because of the words on your wrists looks like. Hell, she works in SVU, a unit where 80% of their cases involve soulmate-related sexual assualt. So, bullshit.

 

Number two: she never wants to know who her soulmate is. Statistically, she shouldn’t have to worry. And she does her best to not reveal anything about herself to her soulmate, whoever he is. Her first words every morning are usually to Frannie, so at the very most he’ll know about her, but Amanda is careful.

 

Number three: her soulmate does not share these views.

 

At first, her soulmate had tried to get to know her – at eighteen she would frequently wake up to things like what’s your name? and do you have sisters? they’re annoying, right? But he seemed to get the hint because it had been years since she’d received any question about her or her life.

 

Whoever he is though, she can safely say he still has hope for them.

 

Every morning, for the past ten or so years, Amanda has woken up to her wrist reading _good morning, have a great day!_ or _kick ass today!_ or any other words to that effect. It’s disgustingly cute and she hates it.

 

(She’ll never tell anyone, but when she’s having a particularly bad day she’ll press her fingers to her words, willing them to comfort her.)

 

But she’s stubborn, and intends to make good on her personal vow to never find her soulmate. Her dating life is nonexistent, she sleeps with men and that is all. Romantic investments are at the bottom of her priority list, her life is so much easier like this, unattached.

 

Then she has Jesse and she’s suddenly overly cautious to never let her soulmate know of her existence. She may not want to know him, but she thinks the knowledge that she has a kid now, has settled down (with no one, but he wouldn’t know that) would break him. She’s not a cruel woman, so she makes sure that the first words out her mouth in the morning are not relating to her daughter.

 

Then Carisi happens.

 

Carisi, who is perhaps more of a surprise than Jesse, because, hell, she had 6 months to prepare for the kid but she was never prepared for Sonny. She just wakes up one morning and wonders when it had become a familiar sight to see him splayed out next to her on the bed. He just slots into her life and _fits_.

 

They never talk about soulmates though. Never.

 

If Amanda stops to think about it, she never hears his first words in the morning. He’s usually up before her, making breakfast, playing with Jesse. She wonders if that’s on purpose. A fleeting feeling of sadness overcomes her at the thought of someone with Carisi’s words on their wrist, but she shakes it away.

 

She thinks maybe she should have the soulmate talk with him, but she gets the feeling that he’s avoiding it as much as her, for fear of it ruining what they have. He’s never confirmed it but Amanda thinks that if he met his soulmate, he’d give her up in an instant. He’s a romantic – of course the idea of a soulmate made perfectly for him is something he chases. She’ll make her peace with that.

 

In the meantime, she’ll continue to ignore the _i hope you have the best day!_ ’s on her wrist and kiss Sonny good morning as he passes her coffee. She’ll continue to make sure her first words are not to him. She lets herself be happy while it lasts.

 

Then one morning, six months into this whatever-the-hell-it-is (relationship, her brain supplies – she’s in denial) she wakes up before him. He’s so peaceful and she can’t bring herself to disturb him so she buries herself back into his embrace and just relishes in the warmth. She must doze back off because when she opens her eyes again, Sonny’s sitting on the side of the bed looking at his wrist. She hears him whisper “Today is gonna be great,” and suddenly all her breath is knocked out of her as the words appear on her wrist.

 

She doesn’t want to disturb his moment though, so she stays lying where she is, pretending to sleep. He sighs, runs a hand through his hair and turns round to press a kiss to her head. She feigns stirring and cracks her eyes open. “Good morning,” she says. Generic. He won’t be able to tell from his words.

 

She should tell him – she knows she should. But there’s something stopping her. Accepting that they are soulmates – that requires her to accept that this thing between them is more than just some fun. It means something. And that scares her more than she cares to admit.

 

It’s not that she thinks Carisi will leave, God knows this is probably all he’s ever wanted. But there’s trepidation. It gives her vulnerability, she already opened her heart for her daughter, is she really willing to make room for one more?

 

(Although, if she cared to examine her heart more closely, she would find that there is already room for him.)

 

She’s still mildly panicking over this situation when, a week later Sonny decides they should have a conversation. He decides to do it in the form of pillow talk, which is exhausting but also the most Sonny thing.

 

“We should talk. Y’know about, uh, soulmates.” Her heart speeds up and _she should tell him_ , but instead she just nods dumbly, twisting their hands together absentmindedly. “Because Amanda I, God, I really love you. Like, really.” It’s the first time those words have been said. Her breath catches at them. “And because I, uh, love you I feel like we should be on the same page.” He’s playing with her fingers now, a sign that he’s nervous, and Amanda just wants to comfort him. The words won’t come to her though.

 

“Carisi, _Sonny_ , it’s fine, I—“ she pauses, unsure of where she’s going with this. The clock on her bedside cabinet makes a small noise, signalling a new hour. _Midnight_. Amanda smiles.

 

Slowly, she brings Carisi’s hand up to her face, presses a gentle kiss to his wrist before whispering, “I love you too, dumbass.”

 

She turns his wrist towards him and waits for the penny to drop. When Sonny finally tears his eyes away from the wrist to meet her gaze, she’s hit by all of the emotions he’s feeling. He says nothing, however, but dimples appear and he’s smiling and suddenly his lips are on hers, and he’s still smiling and Amanda wonders why she was so hesitant to let herself have this.

 

He’s her soulmate, and he fits.

**Author's Note:**

> hey rollisi fandom i don't usually go here but know that u r valid and i support u and i hope u liked this x
> 
> follow me on twitter: sonycreasy !


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